missing you..

hey .. i do really missing you. i miss all the memories that we had made together. i miss our laugh, all the crazy things we had made. i miss all the night we had spend together, talking non stop in the car sharing our life stories. i miss your smiles, your eyes, your voices.. i miss to hear all your words that always can make me calms. i miss to walk with you along the beach enjoy the view together. With you, i feel so safe , so calm. there is nothing i had to think and worried about. we just live in our own little world.. Every single things i did, every single songs i heard keep reminds me of you, sometimes when i closed my eyes -- i can feel like you were here with me. i can smell your perfumes, i can feel your breath and your warm hand holding mine and i can hear your voices talking to me. It make me shaking and cry.. but i have to be strong.  i'm sorry when thing is getting harder and harder, i cant keep this going. i had to leave my love, i don't want to put you on a hope which i don't even know how far could it be. i wish i can see the future instead of holding faith with what will coming later. i'm scared, i don't want to risk you. Maybe one day if we are meant to be together we will be back together. We may take detours in life but we will never lost. i really hope you can understand me, i'm sorry.. i really had a great time with you even it just for awhile and glad to know all your friends. they such a good friends. You are so lucky. Take care my prince.

August.

Wow, time do fly by FAST! Before you know it it's more than the second half of the year.

I felt the first of this year kinda went by like a breeze, but then it went by like a gust of wind. Even i hardly had time to breathe and i really looking forwards to a month without tears and heartbreak. Will august be ? As life goes on lets take a look at my august plan.. first of all i had settle all my studies and fees issues since the due is on 10th of august 2012. Afterwards (9-12 of aug) i'll start busy with my dance routines for celebrating merdeka at stadium bukit jalil. Yeah it was one of  my biggest event that i involved with 'big' payment i guess. This event gonna involve 500 dancer from all over malaysia. Praying hard that i can catch up the routines since this will involve a lot of professional dancer and im not that good at all plus the routine will be held during the fast time. I need a tons of energy for this. Then -- the most excited but not expected day will coming over, your birthday and my birthday on the day after !  Sadly, i cant even imagine how can we celebrate it in this kind of situation.. :( Nevermind.. i'll find a way to surprise you for sure ! Even i cant make it there for you, i know your friends will plan something.. Who knows what will happen right .. :) okayy enough with all this emotional feelings, back to the main topic -- oh ohh i just realize that my birthday falling on 3rd of hari raya . This is not good, how can i celebrate our birthday. shaitzz ! after one week of raya i will start busy again with my merdeka rehearsel and gonna perform it on 31st of august. Geez, august gonna be the most busiest month ever and most of the time i will be in kuala lumpur. Hoping that my life will getting better and i can forget all those problems. *crossing fingers*

hugs and kisses!

My beloved followers,

As you guys realize i had changed my blog URL and my display name because there is some problem that i cant let you guys know here.. yeah well, as you guys can guess there is a stalking issues going on in here and i dont like it that way since my journal is not for public issues until involve my family. Hope you guys can understand my situation, thank you !

hugs and kisses !

Stains.

I think that im losing myself completely and i need to fixed this. Lets make this as my wake up call, i wish i can go some place throw away all this shits.. clean up all this stains and make up my mind.

"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
~ Mohandas Gandhi

Dear FJ,

You came into my life not too long ago and I didn't think anything of it. We were friends and we got along so well, but I never imagined I'd be falling so hard for you. We became very close but yet we were so distant. The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to be with you.

You always made me smile and without you I'd be very different. You have changed me in so many ways. You make me want to wake up in the morning to see what life is going to throw at me each and every day. As we became very close and we talked all of the time,  you have to sacrifice to keep it low. 

I'm sorry for the mistakes, i hope you can be strong and stay with what we had talk before. Thank you for all you have been done, no matter how long time could flies you will always kept in my heart. 

i hurt too much till i can stand the lies, i'm so hurt till i could feel the blood dripping. there is too much brief in my life lately. i wish i could fly away to the arms that i can stay.. keep me calm and stay awake.

Hurt && Pain

“Pain is a pesky part of being human, I've learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can't be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.” 

“Tragedies happen. What’re you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive; ‘cause you are. And that pain you feel - it’s life. The confusion and fear.. that’s there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for.”

—	Nathan Scott

Welcoming JUNE with open arms !

As I reviewed earlier this week, May was a great month. It couldn’t have been much better if you ask me, but I’m positive June is going to be just as good if not better since my june starting with a good vibe. Well where should i start -- Firstly, i move to a new house with a new people new surroundings and a new hope. Even'though june is the most busiest month ever but, i really enjoy it. We just finish our club registration week last week and guess what ? alhamdullilah, we already improvise our club A LOT !! Finally we had our own t-shirt and extra bonus with cap ! LOL. We made our own mug with our new logo and medals for the gift. NO more kindergarten pressie for you guys on this year ice breaking games ! opps, this is supposed to be a secret. :p ANDDD the most excited news is, on our last day registration week chief minister ali rustam was coming over to visit all the club booths then unexpectedly his assistant stopped by to our booth and passed us his name card and ask us to call him incase we need a sponsorship on our next coming event ! Woohoo !! :D We also got a new job for our club, but i still cannot exposed this job yet since i have to made a proposal and profile then meet them personally this tuesday soo just wait and see. ~ yayyy. Oh Oh !! one more good news, alhamdullilah i passed my exam successfully. it been a long time i dont feel this way, i feel so glad that my hardworks has been paid. thanks to my love one who always support and courage me all this time and make me awake when i nearly give up. Hope that i can keep this up, study more harder and give a commitment on my studies. insyaallah ... So that's all for now i guess, will update to you guys more soon. 

Hugs and Kisses !

Never is a promise

You'll never see the courage I know 
Its colors' richness won't appear within your view 
I'll never glow - the way that you glow 
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you 

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights 
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception 
My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights 
I understand what I am still too proud to mention - to you 

You'll say you understand, but You don't understand 
You'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye 
But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie 


You'll never touch - these things that I hold 
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own 
You'll never feel the heat of this soul 
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown - to you .

There is nothing more better that can make me smile when sorrows come over by looking at my family and beloved friends photo. Thanks for always be there for me through ups and down, support no matter what am i doing and pray for the best for me. <3

Missing you.

I miss you a lot, i miss your voices, i miss your smile, your joke.. Reminiscing all those memories we had made together. You always bullied me make your milo/tea eventhou you just had one few minutes ago. Remember we always went for a trip and fishing together at Tanjung Bidara. Everytime i want to senduk nasi for you , you will always ask me "Terima kasih, Berapa posen semua ni ?" . You always said that i missed my train  because i always woke up late. I miss watching you drink your tea at the kitchen when i come over your house. I miss you when i see nenek's lawn since you the one who always took care the garden. We spent soo much time together since i was baby till i'm 21. It hurts me a lot when i saw you getting older, i know i dont have so much time to be with you anymore. But everything is to late now, i've lost you. I miss you a lot atuk . :"( AL-FATIHAH !

HI

I’ve been kind of… ok, not “busy” but, I haven’t been paying too much attention to my blog and I haven’t 

posted almost anything these days. So, hi! Again. Uhm, I’ll try to set some queues from now on. <3

Pretty Major Transformation.

There is quotes saying "One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life..." Today, i'm almost 21 looking myself in the mirror and asking myself what am i planning and someday what would happen in my life. I had wasting a lot of time already, 3 years flies away but yet still there is nothing i had to proud of. I need a huge transformation. Not just change in manage time but everything negative include attitude, lifestyle and environment surrounding me. Maybe i should start now, left all the negatives things behind and start achieve my goals.

The one that got away --

On march 13,2012 .. i lost my beloved grandfather . The one i love the most -- *sigh* it takes me ages to learn accept the fact that i lost him. Since when i was in college, i always wondering what would i do if i lost one of my treasures ( atuk , nenek , ibu and , ayah ) ? i keep thinking and worried because i realised that they are grow older and i keep busy with my college life .. but my mind keep protest and said "NO" i wont lost one of them , i would never let them go . How can i survive my life without them ?? -- and suddenly, the thing that i keep worried about just happened.  Atuk left us without any sign, no one expect it. It just happened that quick and easy. I love you atuk , we all gonna miss you. Nenek , everyone still in shock actually . You will always be in my mind, moga atuk ditempatkan dikalangan orang2 yang beriman . Al-Fatihah !

They said I could be anything, so I became a Churper. #ChurpChurp

They said I could be anything, so I became a Churper. #ChurpChurp

awake and alive .

Dear journey , i'm at war with the world, with my on world in my own life. I have lost and they try to pull me into the dark . It's getting harder to stay awake and my strength keep fade away . But then finally i saw the light has come, brighten up my dark life . Alhamdullilah, now i'm awake and i'm alive , now i know what i believe inside . Insyaallah, i stand my ground and never back down . Forever hold this heart that i will give to you and forever i will live for you.

Therapeutic painting !!

Octobers - The month that give us an idea to create this one activity which called therapeutic painting . Therapeutic Painting is something to do with friends when you are stressed out or had a really bad day! You can express all your feeling through the painting which make you feel more relief and better . 

Art allows you to make creative things out of nature. You not only enjoy it, but can also make something out of it, out of reality, the way you want it. Those moments do not always happen, they come in bits and pieces. But when they do, one feels both empowered and humbled. So Far, i have 6 paintings already and this is ...

Few of my paintings ,